suffering

from major procrastination.

am even reading the chain mails that mom sends…

um

i just pulled a few strands of hair out.
not a good sign.

depressed stomach

ate too much yogurt pretzels.
ugh.
don’t know what to do with life.
double ugh.

Nerve-wracked

It is Monday, four weeks into the quarter, and I am once again stressed beyond belief. So instead of facing these issues and knocking them down one by one (as a real pro would), I am dropping it all and writing about how nerve-wracked I am.

Ok so it’s the fourth week into my fourth and final year at university. You’d think by now, I would have a clearer idea of my goals and dreams. And how to pursue them. You’d think, with ages comes wisdom. With time comes…plans?

But I have none of those things. I am, instead, faced with several possibilities. I’m taking my second decision-making class this quarter and I don’t think it’s making me any cleverer about choosing between a million things. Objectively, you’re supposed to take all the possibilities, weigh the pros and cons of all of them, and sort of put it into this calculating, filtering machine that is your brain, which cranks out the best choice among these possibilities.

No one does that of course, which is why we make big, HUGE, ginormous mistakes that could change us for the rest of our lives. OK, it might not be that dramatic, but it really does feel like that at the moment. Or, at the year. Or, at the rest of my life.

UGH. UGH^infinity

free

to care and not to care