raisins in the sun

I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It could be because I’m nerve-wracked about writing my paper tonight, which I haven’t read for yet. Or it could just be the three cups of coffee that is slowly eating away my stomach. Coffee doesn’t help. I still want to crawl into a hole and stay there until the sun comes out.

Dreadful. I should be working right now. I’m at work you see, but a new guy came and is doing all the work. Pretty sweet that I’m getting paid for sitting here doing nothing, but not so sweet in the eyes of my boss who expects more from me. I don’t care. I’m getting shit work. Adding links and other bullshit that I could’ve done when I was in middle school.

Not that it matters. I’m worried about my paper and how this quarter is going to turn out. I never used to care about this sort of thing, but maybe it’s trudging through the slushy snow all day or watching the never-ending expanse of grey sky waiting to fall down on me, but this winter is sucking the life out of me. I’m itching to take this blade out of my gut.

Choice of poison

My place or yours? Disappointment biting in the ASS. Painfultreacherousregretful. I’ve been slacking off like a mofo. Need to STEP UP. ugh. Why do I do this to myself? Think I’ll get by with minimal studying? NO. Life is not about getting by. It’s about giving it your all and going to bed at night knowing you’ve given it your best shot. AIITE? AIITE? GOT ITGOTIGOTITGOOD.

ok. sounded like a cheesy commercial right thur.